At what price silence?

These paddlings left blazing red handprints on my butt. In the name of privacy I could always close a door for brief periods and hide them from my family. There was no such hiding them from my teammates or the older high school and college-age guys who Garvey encouraged to come back and practice against us. We dressed communally and showered communally. In other words, not only did Garvey, as often as not, trumpet that such-and-such play or behavior earned one of us "raps", but we saw each other go into the music room (which doubled as the visitors' lockerroom) and we saw each other come back out teary-eyed. For days afterwards the recipient of the paddling was forced to publicly display, for all the rest of us, his scarlet welts in the shape of Garvey's hand.

My point is this: few close to Garvey's St. Johns basketball program could honestly claim that they had no knowledge of this abuse. More blatant sexual acts aside, perhaps these players, and others, didn't/don't think that this type of physical punishment is inappropriate or abusive. Maybe these are conclusions reached by boys and never re-evaluated by men. Nonetheless, these impressions are mistaken. Grossly mistaken. Not only is bare-ass paddling of boys, by an adult male (who has been entrusted with their care!) in this testicle/scrotum-holding manner abusive, by definition it is sexual abuse of a minor. Is this the "discipline" to which Garvey refers in The Erie Daily Times-News? This is not discipline. This is abuse. Those of you who are fathers, do you do this to your children? How about you moms? Would you knowingly let someone else do this to your child? This was not part of the implied contract agreed to by my parents when I went to play basketball for St. Johns. And since the behavior described by the Rosenthals, Bruce Kennedy, and others is even more heinous, so beyond "mere paddling", it is not surprising Garvey offers no real response to the allegations. There are no rebuttals, no denials, no words strong enough to erase the handprint of truth.

Some of you former players, and others, placed an ad in support of Garvey in the same above-mentioned newspaper in the days following October 10th, 2004. Given what I have already said, how could you? While in another situation I might applaud your loyalty, your categorical denial of even the paddlings described above renders your entire statement suspect. These occurrences were, and are, common knowledge among us. As for you women and non-players who put your names to this document, how can you possibly claim to be witness to, or have firsthand knowledge of, the events or non-events to which you claim to be privy or have witnessed/not witnessed? Simply put, most of you weren't there. I can only assume your names are there to pad the list. And you ex-players, I saw some of you go to get paddled and I saw the welts. I saw yours, and you saw mine. Others of you, I suspect, were victims of something far more serious. In hindsight, the signs were there. I recognize them as similar to mine. Your support renders your testimonials more than suspect. For all concerned, this ad begs the question of your motivation, past and present.

If you've ever been hit in this, or a similar, manner you know that for days your skin radiates a heat, a burning, a discomfort made worse by sitting or bathing. You don't just forget about it and go about your business. In a sick kind of teenage manner of coping, in the public space that we shared, we pointed and laughed at each other. In private, I was physically and emotionally hurt, humiliated, intimidated, and afraid. My false bravado, and I guess yours, was self-preservation in a peer-pressure-packed environment ruled by a domineering, sadistic, manipulative pedophile who used us against each other. And is using us against each other now. Communal humiliation. Communal shame. Communal silence. Perhaps that was the point of inflicting a public pain that we could not soon forget, not only on our backsides but in our hearts and minds as well.

Those of you who signed the ad: who the hell was Garvey to do this to me, to us? By what right? And why do you still protect this man who did this to us, would do this to our children, and maybe already has, or is? Please ask yourself that question. If you are quiet because you are not ready, or are afraid of the scrutiny speaking out might attract, I guess that I can understand that. Afterall, it took me years to come out in this forum and talk about Garvey molesting me. But even if our current silence is due to self-preservation, it really only serves Garvey's purposes, and we pay the price. We protect this precious secret of ours, never telling anyone, and Garvey goes on relatively unscathed. Doesn't it make you angry?

Unless, self-preservation aside, there is another silence, and this is the possibility that truly disgusts me. I obliquely referred to this above, and that is the silence of those of you who have benefited from Garvey's influence and position in Erie and at Mercyhurst. At what price are you quiet? If you put your name to that ad, as I suspect some of you did, knowing in your heart that the accusations are true, even in part, but because of some favor, job, contract, or appointment, are unwilling to brand him as the abuser and pedophile that he is, shame on you. Garvey owns a part of you. It is you who still wear his handprint. But it's not on your backside. It is on your soul. And that is your real price.

predafile@hotmail.com